So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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