when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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