So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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