My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
