I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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