im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
