my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
