Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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