You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
