so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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