Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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