After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
