Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
