I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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