He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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