The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
