Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
