dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
