she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Congratulations! We have a period
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
