my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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