I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
