i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
