this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
