never play flip cup with pint glasses
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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