Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
