I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
