I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
