we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
