he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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