if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
