hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
