i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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