We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
