She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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