Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
