Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
