The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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