I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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