Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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