did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
