she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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