Whod you bang
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
