I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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