yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we're chasing vodka with high fives
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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