I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This is not my ceiling
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
