I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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