party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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