Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so let's talk penis.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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