just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
