I am spending my child support on dildos
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
