I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
