I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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