Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
