The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
