I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
