You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
