remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
