She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
