Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
