All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
