Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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