Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
