I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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