well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Damn victory sex feels great
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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