New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
