look no pants
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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