Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
