While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
