do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
