Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
