Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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