I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
