he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
