i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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