You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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