oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
