you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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