i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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