hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
