I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
