matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
