He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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