I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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