What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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